My True Love Sent to Me
by Reefgirl
Summary: Someone is sending John Christmas gifts. The Six Geese a Laying meet Atlantis' Head Chef
1. A Partridge in a Pear Tree

Rating: K+

Summary: Mayhem descends on Atlantis when gifts for John start appearing

Disclaimer: I own none of the Stargate Characters.

Authors Notes: If you ever get the chance, listen to 12 Days of Christmas by Frank Kelly (AKA Fr Jack from Father Ted). It's a man writing to his girlfriend after she sends him the presents from the 12 Days of Christmas; you will not be able to keep a straight face, so I thought I'd have a go at it too.

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The entity slipped into un-noticed into Atlantis and entered into the database, it wasn't the first time she'd done it. She'd found out that it was a period of Earth culture called Christmas and she wanted to give the one she loved a gift as that what was traditional at this time, she found a file that looked promising, 'perfect' she thought and left.

* * *

It was fairly quiet in the Gateroom, no teams were due to go out or return for the next few hours so the staff were going about their routines and not paying much attention to the gate below. A flash of bright light caught Chuck's attention and when it faded his jaw almost hit the console 

"Dr Weir to the Gateroom, you _really_ need to see this," he said into his earpiece.

"It's a partridge in a pear tree," said Dr Elizabeth Weir

"I can see that," said Dr Rodney McKay "and from what I can tell it's come directly from Earth"

"Someone from the Daedalus playing games?" asked Colonel John Sheppard, Elizabeth laughed

"Can you honestly see Colonel Caldwell agreeing to something like this?" she said

"Anyway the Daedalus is still a week away," remarked Rodney

"I guess not" John replied. Ronon Dex walked around the tree, watched closely by the partridge

"There's a note tied to it" he picked it off the branch "it's for you", he said as he passed it over to Sheppard.

"It says 'Merry Christmas from your True Love,'" John read, Elizabeth smirked

"Something you'd like to share with us John?" she asked, he shook his head

"I haven't had a date in months, unusual I know but I have no idea who could have sent it" John replied

"Does this mean you'll be getting two turtledoves tomorrow?" said Rodney with a smirk

"When I find out whose idea this is..." John said glaring at Rodney

"What? I'm not behind this, I wouldn't know where to get a partridge or a pear tree from" Rodney replied.

"Gentlemen please, lets not start finger pointing just yet, John put all security personnel on alert, Rodney I want you and Radek to see if you can put an early warning device in place, I don't like it when mysterious 'gifts' arrive out of thin air and will someone move the tree out of the way please" said Elizabeth. John signalled to three Marines, who moved the tree and the bemused partridge next to the stairs.

* * *

The population of Atlantis waited eagerly for the next day, would Colonel Sheppard receive two turtledoves and how would the partridge react; it had been giving all personnel the evil eye since Ronon had asked Alex the Chef what partridge tasted like with gravy, mash and peas. A book had been opened on who Sheppard's 'True Love' was; Elizabeth was top of the list closely followed by Rodney. At midnight, a flash of light was seen in the gateroom... 

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**AN:** It gets wackier from here. Please tell me if you think I should carry on.


	2. Two Turtledoves

Ratings and Disclaimers are the same as Chapter 1

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Major Lorne had called for John a few minutes after midnight, when he and Elizabeth got to the Gateroom they found four Marines with guns trained on two turtledoves sitting on the gate.

"I don't think they're armed so you can stand down," said John, he went up the stairs and stood with Lorne and Elizabeth who were watching the partridge. The partridge was glaring at the turtledoves, determined to show them who was boss. It had taken quite a shine to Chuck as he'd been feeding it breadcrumbs it had also taken to perching on the railing by the console so it could watch Chuck at work, the person that the partridge loathed the most was Ronon, he and Alex the chef had formed an alliance of sorts. After the initial encounter between Ronon and the partridge, it had taken to dive bombing the Satedan and trying to pluck his dreadlocks out which had led to weapons fire in the gateroom and Ronon's gun being confiscated, he was now determined to eat the partridge and Alex had promised him a feast if he could catch it.

"Report" said John to Lorne, Lorne rolled his eyes

"Well sir I got a call at midnight to say there had been some kind of transporter activity in the gateroom and when we arrive they were here along with this" said Lorne as he handed John a note.

"It says 'Merry Christmas my love'" remarked John

"Are you sure you don't know who's doing this?" said Elizabeth, John shook his head

"Honest I don't but when I find out I'm gonna make them eat the partridge and the doves" said John as he stormed off back to his room.

* * *

During the day there was an uneasy truce between the partridge, the doves, Ronon and Alex, knowing Ronon was weaponless the partridge had become bold and had started aiming for parts of his anatomy, beak first. Ronon had almost caught the bird once; he had sneaked up on it as it was glaring at the doves. An enraged yell from Chuck had startled the partridge so much that it had dropped a number of 'messages' on Ronon's hair, the outcome had been a visit to the infirmary for Chuck and an hour long lecture from Elizabeth for Ronon.

* * *

Early on, in the evening, the turtledoves had had enough of the partridge's attitude and had launched a pre-emptive strike on the pear tree, both Sheppard's and Lorne's teams had been ordered to the gateroom to try to restore some kind of order. Chuck and some of the scientists had stood their ground and refused to let the marines open fire on the birds. The result was feathers all over the gateroom that caused an outbreak of allergies among the scientists, Dr Vicki Collins becoming a temporary vet after she had told Elizabeth she was an ornithologist in her spare time and Carson treating four marines for deep scratches and being pecked in embarrassing places.

* * *

Late that night the partridge and the turtledoves declared a truce and watched the nightshift going about its business from the pear tree. When Elizabeth got to her office the next day, she was just about to breathe a sigh of relief when a white flash caught her eye in the Gateroom...

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**AN:** Thanks for the reviews so far, bookmark this story because I maybe updating more than once a day, you do not want to miss the mayhem.


	3. Three French Hens

Ratings and Disclaimers are the same as Chapter 1

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Elizabeth rushed down to the Gateroom to find the Marines had trained their guns on three chickens with berets on their heads who were strutting about the floor.

"John" she sighed into her earpiece "your true love has sent you three French Hens", Elizabeth flinched at his reply and ripped out her earpiece with a blush, she had no idea he could swear in so many languages. Sheppard joined her in the Gateroom, also Rodney and Alex the chef had turned up too at Sheppard's request,

"I am so going to kill whoever is doing this," growled Sheppard as one of the Marines handed his the accompanying note. He opened it "it's all in French, I know 'Joyeux Noël' means Happy Christmas but what's the rest of it" he handed it to Rodney,

"What? Just because I'm Canadian you automatically think I can speak French..." he blustered

"I know you can so just shut up and translate," snapped John. Rodney read over the note and his jaw crashed open

"Wow, whoever she is she has a...vivid imagination, she wants to...wow...is that even physically possible without ending up in traction...wow...she certainly is graphic in her descriptions...I...I can't translate anymore of this, lets just say she wants to get...intimate with you" said Rodney, a flush slowly creeping up his face. John scowled at the Marines sniggering behind him and at the Partridge and the Turtledoves who were hopping about in the pear tree and glaring menacingly and the newcomers.

* * *

Chuck and Dr Vicki Collins had taken it upon themselves to become the birds protectors as both of them were 'Twitchers' in their spare time, Ronon was still swearing vengeance on the Partridge for the attacks on him, Alex on the other hand was waiting for day six when the geese arrived. As Christmas was coming, she was planning the Christmas Day menu, they had enough turkey but six geese would make the food go a little further so Alex had been looking up recipes and wondering what kind of stuffing was appropriate. Now John Sheppard had called her to the Gateroom to deal with the French Hens, she smothered a giggle as she saw the berets on the hen's heads, Sheppard's True Love had a warped sense of humour and also there, were Chuck and Vicki Collins.

"I'm sorry Colonel, but three chickens is not going to feed many in Atlantis it's not enough to make a decent soup with" said Alex apologetically, Chuck and Vicki breathed a sigh of relief as the chickens got a reprieve.

"Why not send them to the mainland, there's a cock among them so they'll breed and we can share the eggs with the Athosian's," said Chuck. All eyes turned to the Canadian techie

"At last a sensible suggestion" said Elizabeth "go to Teyla and ask her opinion", Chuck ran off just as the Partridge and the Doves launched an aerial assault on the French Hens, the ensuing battle between birds and humans lasted half an hour with casualties on both sides, Vicki had to patch up the Partridge, the Doves _and_ the hens. The Partridge had taken pleasure in dive-bombing Ronon, who had come running to the Gateroom when the call had gone out; he was now minus two of his dreads, which the Partridge had hung from the pear tree as a trophy. The doves had fluttered close to Rodney and slapped him around with their wings, the feathers had got up his nose and caused a sneezing fit so long and so ferocious that he had passed out through lack of air. The doves, pleased by this turn of events, had repeated the trick on others causing Carson to declare the Gateroom off limits until it had a chance to be disinfected.

* * *

In the Infirmary, Carson was dealing with the aftermath of the attack, Ronon; still sulking over the loss of his dreads was sitting on the bed glowering at the nurse who was unsuccessfully trying to hide her laughter while she stitched at particularly nasty 'Beak Wound'. Rodney had recovered from his sneezing bout and had been hustled out to the showers after the others would not come near him until he got rid of the 'Messages' the birds had left. Elizabeth, who had been given tranquilizers by Carson, was sitting in her office with a spaced out grin plastered on her face, happy in her knowledge that the French Hens were on their way to the mainland with Teyla and order had been restored to the city, for now. In the Mess hall John was pleading with Radek to hurry up with the investigation in how it was happening, he wanted to be in the Chair when the next batch of gifts arrived so he could shoot them down.

* * *

At 6am John was woken by the sound of Lorne's voice on the radio

"Mail call Sir" said the laughing voice of his 2iC

"I hate you," muttered John as he rolled out of bed.

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**AN:** So what do we think? More of Ronon and the Partridge or does it become lunch?

Twitcher is slang for a birdwatcher.


	4. Four Calling Birds

Ratings and Disclaimers: As Ch 1

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John Sheppard trudged into the Gateroom, followed minutes later by Elizabeth, Chuck and Vicki Collins. Lorne and his team were standing in Elizabeth's office as far away from the pear tree as possible as they knew that as soon as the Partridge and the Turtledoves saw the new arrivals all hell would break loose.

"Well?" said John

"Same as always" replied Lorne "flash of light and then those" he nodded at the four parrots sitting on the DHD console who were being made a fuss of by Chuck and Vicki,

"All the threes, thirty three" squawked one of the parrots. All eyes turned to it

"Did it just say thirty three?" said Elizabeth

"Two little ducks, twenty two" squawked another "on its own number 6".

"Its bingo calls," said Vicki "they are four calling birds after all"

"Four and Nine forty nine" said another parrot. Elizabeth put her head in her hands

"I'm going back to bed, Chuck, Vicki take them to your quarters and bring them back when you come on duty, I'll decide what to do with them then" she said as she rubbed her face, she'd have to go back to her room via the infirmary as she could feel a migraine building.

* * *

Later in the afternoon, the parrots were sitting on the balcony rails watching Chuck work and ignoring the death glares from the Partridge

"Two fat ladies eighty eight, two and nine twenty nine, lucky seven, Kelly's eye number one, unlucky for some thirteen" said the parrots, John wandered past the console.

"How can you put up with this?" said John to Chuck

"Easy" replied Chuck

"'Ere, you John Sheppard?" said the grey parrot. John's eyes widened

"Yeah" he said carefully

"Got a message for you" said Grey

"Go on" said John wondering if an African Grey Parrot with a Cockney accent was they strangest thing that he would encounter today.

"She ain't 'appy wiv you yer know" said Grey, John stiffened

"You know who's sending me these birds?" he asked

"Course I do, what do you think I am, a Partridge?" Grey replied, the Partridge bristled in the pear tree

"Who is she?" John demanded, Grey chuckled (In a parrot like way)

"I ain't that daft mate, she'd kill me," he said. John grabbed the parrot by the neck

"Tell me you miserable bird before I use you as target practise" yelled John as he shook Grey by the throat

"Clickety click sixty six, six and eight sixty eight" gasped Grey as Chuck, Lorne and Elizabeth came running towards him

"Tell me, tell me who she is" demanded John. The other parrots swooped down and pecked at John's hand until he let go of Grey. John pulled out his 9mm and took aim at Grey, who flew into the rafters and hid with the other parrots. John was sent to Carson to have his hand stitched and then he was sent to Kate Heightmeyer to deal with his bird issues.

* * *

In the late evening Elizabeth demanded that four Marines were stationed permanently in Gateroom to keep the birds in order, ever since the John/Grey incident the Partridge and the Parrots had been squaring up to each other and it was only a matter of time before yet another Bird War started. At 23.00 Atlantis Standard Time the Partridge had had enough and started flapping up to the rafters to give the parrots the evil eye, the parrots started taunting it and the turtledoves with football chants and 'Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough'. The parrots swooped on the pear tree and an almighty battle took place, seeing, as the birds were more intent on harming each other the humans kept a safe distance. At 23.30 Atlantis Standard Time the Partridge and the Turtledoves were homeless as the parrots had kicked them out of the pear tree, Vicki and Chuck had taken them back to their respective quarters until they recovered. Elizabeth had taken to hiding a bottle of whiskey in her desk draw, John was now visiting Kate hourly, Carson had requested the SGC send him more tranquilizers, the parrots were singing 'We are the champions' from the pear tree and Lorne was contemplating calling in sick for the next eight days.

* * *

The next day Atlantis heaved a sigh of relief; this was day five, what could possibly go wrong with five gold rings?

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**AN:** I had the absurd idea of making the four calling birds bingo callers a couple of days ago. I have no idea where the idea for giving Grey the Parrot a cockney accent but as I was writing it I had the notion of it looking and sounding like Phil Mitchell from Eastenders.


	5. Five Gold Rings Pt 1

Ratings and Disclaimers: Same as Ch1

Author's Notes: I will apologise now for taking many liberties with Lord of the Rings. You didn't expect anything else did you?

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Elizabeth, John, Carson and Rodney were having their usual weekly progress meeting when there was a flash of light in the office and a large jewellery box appeared in front of John. John pulled out his 9mm and looked wildly around him,

"Come on, show yourself you mind bending bitch" he yelled at the top of his voice "get your ass in here now". He began to pace the office looking up at the ceiling; Rodney looked at Carson, put his finger to his temple and twirled it in a we-need-to-redecorate-his-room-with-rubber-wallpaper gesture. Elizabeth got the whisky bottle out of her draw along with four glasses and poured them all a substantial belt, she drained hers in one gulp and poured another, Carson frowned but didn't say anything as his bottle had been taking a few hits lately.

"John it's five gold rings, nothing can possibly go wrong with five gold rings" said Elizabeth as she opened the box "see", she handed John the box, John's grip tightened on his gun as he peered in,

"Hey these are pretty cool" he put the gun down and picked one out of the box "do you know what this writing on the side says" he said as he passed it to Elizabeth. Elizabeth peered at the ring

"It's nothing I've seen before" she tapped her earpiece "Teyla, can you and Ronon come up to the office please" she said. After a couple of minutes Teyla and Ronon came through the door, the Partridge perched on the window, looked in, saw the ring in Elizabeth's hand and flew off in a panic twittering madly, it perched on Chuck's shoulder and tried to bury itself under his jacket. Slightly un-nerved by the Partridge's panic attack Elizabeth showed the ring to Teyla and Ronon,

"Do either of you know what language this is?" she asked, Ronon picked up the ring and looked

"Never seen it before" he replied, he handed the ring to Teyla and shook his head, trying to fight the urge to kill Sheppard.

"I have not seen it either," said Teyla as she handed the ring back to John "but I have this feeling of...evil, oppressiveness". Rodney gasped and snatched the ring out of John's hand

"It can't be," he said as he turned the ring over in his hand "it can't be"

"Can't be what Rodney" said John

"The ring, _the _ring, the one ring, this writing on the side is...elvish I think I never saw the films I only read the books" said Rodney

"Elvis?" asked John "the writing on the side is thankyouverymuch in Ancient". Rodney gave John his long suffering I'm-surrounded-by-idiots look

"Elvish _not_ Elvis, it's the ring from Lord of the Rings, it didn't make sense until Teyla said she felt a feeling of evil and oppressiveness" said Rodney as he began to pace.

"Rodney, the Lord of the Rings isn't real, it's a book" said Carson, thinking Kate was going to start demanding double time before long

"The twelve days of Christmas was a song until five days ago," retorted Rodney "we have got to destroy the ring". John handed the ring to Rodney

"Your mission, should you choose to accept it is to destroy the ring, good luck Frodo McKay," said John with a smirk; he was enjoying his present causing someone other than him to freak out. Rodney scowled at him

"Go ahead, mock me but I'm not doing this by myself, Teyla is there anywhere around here that translates into the Mount of Doom" said Rodney, Teyla thought for a moment

"I do not know, I will have to consult the Elders on the mainland" she replied. Rodney nodded

"Go" he said, Teyla bowed and left, Rodney clapped his hands together "now the only thing left for us to do is go and form ourselves a Fellowship" he said as he hustled John out of the door. John looked imploringly at Elizabeth who shrugged "come on Colonel Aragorn, your Arwen will still be here when you get back". Elizabeth sighed sympathetically and accepted the tranquilizers that Carson handed to her.

**TBC**

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**AN:** Don't shoot me because this is not as side splittingly funny as the others and don't shoot me because this is going to be a two parter, the mayhem will return when the six geese arrive, promise.


	6. Five Gold Rings Pt 2

Ratings and Disclaimers: Same as Ch1

Author's Notes: Yet more liberties taken with LOTR

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The gate splashed open and the 'Fellowship' trudged through it muttering threats. Rodney had coerced and/or threatened Chuck, Radek, Lorne, Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon and Miko to join him in destroying the ring. Teyla had found a world that had a volcano that _very_ loosely translated as the Mount of Doom and Rodney had declared it at the place to get rid of the ring, then he'd gone about forming his 'Fellowship', the first person he'd asked was Chuck. Chuck had told Rodney he wasn't going, he'd had enough of being called Legolas the first time round but he'd ended up agreeing just to get Rodney off his back, Radek and Miko done the same thing, it was either that or have Rodney calling on them every two minutes. Sheppard had ordered Lorne on the mission as payback for laughing at his misfortune at the hands of his psycho true love, Teyla and Ronon had been the only ones to volunteer when asked. The Partridge had made such a fuss when Chuck left that it had had to be sedated by adding some Athosian herbs to its food. It had grabbed the back of Chuck's collar and tried to pull him away from the gate and when Vicki had pulled it off it had had hysterics, now it was sitting on Elizabeth's desk wearing the same spaced out expression as Atlantis' leader.

* * *

"I can't believe I'm actually doing this, how many years in Leavenworth will I get if I go AWOL now?" muttered Lorne

"My sister's husband dragged me to see all three films, I have hated him ever since" said Radek with a snarl, Miko and Chuck muttered in agreement and trudged on regardless. Rodney was telling Ronon and Teyla the story of the One Ring when Sheppard stopped

"Why don't we just throw it into the river down there and let some other schmuck deal with it," he said, Rodney rounded on him

"They wouldn't know what to do, it has to be destroyed by us, have you any idea what would happen if the Wraith got their hands on it? No, well imagine every nightmare you've ever had coming true and that'll give you some idea of what to expect, now I know none of you believe me but _that_ ring has to be dropped in _that_ volcano so stop complaining flyboy and get moving" yelled Rodney. Everyone stared at Rodney then stared at each other, shrugged and carried on up the side of the Volcano.

* * *

After a multitude of complaints from Lorne, Zelenka and Chuck, the Fellowship was resting, John was turning the ring over in his hand.

"Rodney what would happen if I put it on" Rodney wasn't listening he was telling Teyla the difference between a Hobbit and an Elf, "Rodney" said John again but to no avail. Not waiting for an answer John put the ring and instantly vanished into shadows, Lorne yelped as he watched Sheppard disappear. John peered into the distance; he could see ghostly figures moving about in what looked like mist,

"Hello" he called as a figure came towards him

"My love you should not be here, not yet" it said

"Are you the one sending me the birds?" he asked

"Yes, do you like them, all my love goes into those gifts" it sighed. John lunged towards the figure as it and the mist melted and he reappeared on the side of the Volcano to see Rodney with the ring in his hand

"What the hell did you do that for, I came face to face with the bitch that's sending me whacko I just had my hands around her throat" yelled John.

"You're not supposed to wear it, it'll send you to another plane of existence" said Rodney in a 'I'm-dealing-with-children voice' "come on only another mile or so to go",

"If I threw him into the volcano d'ya think I could make it look like an accident" said Lorne with a venomous look at Rodney.

* * *

The gate in Atlantis opened and the Fellowship trudged through, they were covered in ash and mud, all of them were vowing to 'get' Rodney when he least expected it. They had reached the top of the volcano and John had dropped the ring in, the volcano seemed to hiccup and showered them with ash, they then beat a hasty retreat just in case the volcano spat the ring back at them. On the balcony stood Elizabeth, Vicki, holding a still spaced out Partridge, Daniel Jackson, Sam Carter, Cameron Mitchell, Teal'c and Vala

"Hey the gang's all here" remarked John.

"John, SG-1 is here because they've finally found out what and where Merlin's weapon is" said Elizabeth as she handed over a piece of paper, on it was a picture of the ring they'd just destroyed, John's face fell and he handed the paper to Rodney

"You wanna explain or should I" John remarked.

"Ah...well you see it's like this...um...we...ah...we've thrown it into a volcano" Rodney recoiled as Daniel, Sam and Cameron advanced menacingly towards him. "Well we...ok...I thought it was the One Ring, the Ruling Ring, the Ring of Power and I've obviously got the wrong end of the stick, excuse me" he said as he took off running closely followed by SG-1.

"Aren't you going to help him?" said Elizabeth, John shook his head

"No, I'm going to bed for the next twenty four hours" he said

"What about tomorrow?" asked Elizabeth

"I promised Alex she could deal with the Geese" he said as he swallowed the last two of Elizabeth's tranquilizers.

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**AN:** Not as funny as the others I know but lunacy will return when Alex gets her hands on Six Geese-a-Laying


	7. Six Geese a Laying

Ratings and Disclaimers: Same as Ch1

Author's Notes: I am warning you all now the geese come to a sticky end, with peas and gravy, don't like, don't read.

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John Sheppard was sleeping peacefully; he didn't care about the gift coming today as he'd told Alex the Chef she could deal with it.

Alex Ramsey, the head chef of Atlantis, bounced out of bed, which was not something that happened often. Even the Wraith knocking at the door couldn't get her out of bed any earlier than was necessary but today was the day Sheppard's six geese a laying were due and he'd given her permission to make her Christmas budget go a little further by putting them on the menu. Alex was a little squeamish about the actual killing of the geese so had bribed Ronan with whatever he wanted for lunch for a week if he'd actually do the deed, now Alex was waiting for the call from the Gateroom.

* * *

The first thing she heard was a lot of bad language, she blushed, and she thought she knew a lot of foul language but Lorne surpassed even her vocabulary

"Having trouble Major?" she asked as Lorne and his team ran passed her,

"They're fucking vicious," he snarled

"Oh come on, I know geese are supposed to be nasty but six soldiers with guns being frightened off by lunch with feathers, please" she said with a smirk. Lorne made an 'After you' gesture and Alex made her way into the Gateroom where she found Elizabeth, Rodney, Teyla and Chuck in Elizabeth's office with the door locked and six geese strutting around. The Partridge, turtledoves and Parrots were hiding in the pear tree, gingerly peering out every now and then.

* * *

Earlier the parrots, being kings of the tree at the moment, had swooped down to show the newcomers who ruled the Gateroom, there had been a scrap and the parrots had come off worse, the Partridge and the turtledove had tried to come to the rescue but the geese, spurred on by bloodlust, had savaged them too. After the geese had seen off the Partridge, Doves and Parrots they turned their attention to Lorne and his men, they had been beaten and pecked before they had retreated. The geese turned at the sound of someone entering, what they considered to be, their domain and advanced.

Lorne and his team heard a lot of honking, swearing, screaming and occasionally, weapon's fire, the door opened and Alex fell out onto her ass, Lorne smirked

"So the big bad chef has been frightened off by lunch with feathers," said Lorne, Alex glared at him.

"Major, at this particular moment in time I'm wondering who is going to get the orange up the ass first, you or the geese" she got up from the floor "your odds have just shortened", she said

"Like to see you try babe," he replied as Alex shot him a look that had the Marines recoiling in fear. Lorne loved to live dangerously, that's why he loved to wind up the head chef.

* * *

After a trip to the infirmary to get her ankle patched up after one of the geese had pecked her Alex made her way to Ronon's quarters.

"I need your help," she said

"I know, you want me to kill the geese" he replied

"That as well but I've got to catch the buggers first" she said as she went on to explain what had happened in the Gateroom, Ronon had laughed at the exploits of Alex, Lorne and the Marines and said he'd show the Earthlings how to deal with birds.

Ronon beat a hasty retreat with blood running down his legs from beak wounds to both his knees, he'd radioed Alex to meet him at the weapon's locker, this was now a matter of pride.

"Don't say a word" said Ronon to Alex, she pressed her lips together and shook her head, she knew laughing at this point would be dangerous for her health. Ronon wandered around the locker looking for something to use against the geese, his eyes lighted on something and he grinned, the answer was that simple. He picked it up and went back to the Gateroom, tossed the object in, shut the door and called for Carson.

* * *

Later that evening, Ronon was sitting down to his favourite Earth dish, something from Alex's homeland called a Shepherds Pie. Alex, Mick, Charlie and Chris were sitting on the balcony plucking six geese and discussing who the highest bidder would be for the feathers for a pillow while Christine and Tony were preparing a pleasant orange-based stuffing. John Sheppard rolled over, sighed and went back to sleep. 


End file.
